Tips to Remember

If you're facing a tough time after a failed relationship, this post would be useful!

For my situation, right now i think time apart will be good for us to iron out our thoughts and become better people. No one is at fault in my situation, it's not ugly and no one did shit. It's just really tiring as the both of us keep arguing over the littlest things. If it's meant to be, it'll be right?

Tips To Remember

… When a relationship ends, We tend to over-complicate things and over-analyze every thought and emotion We have. 

What you need to remember is that you don’t have to make yourself miserable when a situation doesn’t work the way you “expected” it to. 

 Here are some tips for getting over “the blues”:

1. The question to ask first and foremost is, “How does what I’m doing right now serve Me?” Seriously, does sitting around sulking about a soured relationship actually do anything constructive for your happiness? Here’s where discipline is key: you can choose to be better. Develop skills and habits to support you Being Better.

2. Self-Assessment. 

Make a list of 

1) the qualities that you like about yourself

2) things you know that you are good at doing 

3) skills/talents that you have 

4) things that other people you respect appreciate about you 

5) prove each of the things on your list with real-life situations that you have done/are doing 

Read this list daily to boost your positive and powerful energies and to render criticism (especially ugly-break-up accusations) useless and unfounded. NEVER compare yourself to anyone else in her/his life. Seriously, why should you care? Why want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you? If someone compares you to a person in their past, they have not moved on from their “drama” and cannot fully be committed to you. If they compare you to a new lover, defuse their abuse by saying, “Sounds like you deserve each other. Good luck,” and get away from them. 

Choose to have a better-for-you situation all the way around.

3. Identify how the PERSON differs from the IDEAL you hold/held of her/him. Every time you begin torturing yourself with false visions of how you want to believe s/he is, remember how s/he REALLY is and notice how HUGE the difference is. 

Most often, you will see that warning signs occurred in the relationship but Our commitment to Our fantasy ideals set us up for a“predictable disappointment.” 

Next time, We can choose to commit to paying attention to the signs in order to make healthy relationship choices along the way.

4. Don’t play the “make-wrong-game” on yourself or the other person. The reason you feel that the situation was “wrong” was because it did not meet your expectations. The make-wrong-game fosters negative, toxic energy that turns in on yourself. Your time could be better used on forgiveness and loving yourself more so that you will attract the person who can love you the way you want to be loved and who will deserve to love you.

5. Forgiveness. When you break it down the to lowest level, you are forgiving yourself and the other(s) for NOT showing up to fit your expectations and/or fantasies. Repeat often: “It could NOT have been any other way than the way it was.” Wasting time on what coulda-woulda-shoulda-been is completely unproductive. You could be indulging in Love-Me-Time and committing to your Joy.

Remember the good qualities that the person had which attracted you to her/him. This alleviates you from making yourself wrong for the fact that the person stopped displaying those qualities with you. It also validates the qualities that you like in a partner and frees you to continue to enjoy them in the NEXT person. Practicing this habit also allows you to smile and laugh at the good things, which is an exercise in positive energy generation for your success.Forgive yourself for any and all situations that you participated in and acknowledge yourself for your good contributions. You did what you did, s/he did what s/he did and that’s that. Nothing was ever all good or all bad. Let the good be valuable to your Life Lessons and let the bad be indications of what not to do next time.If the opportunity presents itself and is right, you can say you’re sorry that things didn’t work out and wish the other person well. You do this as part of evolving to the next level of forgiveness for yourself and for completion with the other person. Have NO attachment to their behavior or the outcome.

Forgiveness is first and foremost for YOURSELF.

6. Listen to your thoughts and actively choose to condition them to support your goals. Pay attention. Check in before you freak out. Don’t be afraid of what you will find inside yourself because your ultimate power for happiness is within you. By constantly dwelling on negative, self-defeating thoughts, you create a void within yourself. “Nature seeks to fill a void,” so if you are not careful of what you put in, the probability for all kinds of dreadful crap to fill your vessel (people, DIS-eases, misfortunes, etc.) is VERY realistic. Again, develop skills and habits to support you Being Better.

7. Stop whining and move on. It seems that far too many of us are conditioned to be addicted to misery. Too many people spend an enormous amount of time and energy making themselves miserable and when they can’t do that adequately, they look to make others miserable. Misery is the comfort zone for people who fail to brave to Be Better. The best way to make yourself – and others who have to tolerate you miserable is to “beat a dead horse,” as the dreadful expression goes. It is valid to have your feelings, to grieve, and to have your process. However, it is not the goal to make the grieving process your new existence. On this occasion, a little tough love will get straight to the point: grow up, stop whining, take positive action, and move on. Many people are not aware that they are trapped in the misery-making-mode. So, a good way to check if you are is to look in the mirror. Can you smile at yourself and like what you see? If not, do whatever it takes to Be Better. “Take responsibility for the energy you bring.” ~ Dr. Jill Bolt Taylor

8. Learn to enjoy your own company. This is the most important step of all. Without realizing it, many people jump into relationships to avoid feeling lonely and being alone. This fear is generated from a lack of self-validation and self-appreciation. If you don’t like your own company, why should anyone else? Make it a conscious habit to be good to yourself and with yourself.

NOTE: As you Become Better, there is the strong probability that many of the people you thought were part of your support system become tacky in ways that appear to be jealousy. Don’t take this as a personal attack; they are feeling their comfort zones being shaken by you braving to Be Better. You may have to make some tough choices to let them go – which may only be for now. But as you commit to loving and caring for yourself, you will attract people of like minds, like energies, and the ability to love you the way you deserve to be loved! I am living proof that this IS true!

And just in case you’re really dealing with some horrible creatures, being happy and looking fabulous are always the best … justice!

Source: x

Sunday

x Sunday Notes x

The best day i had all month. As you all read from my previous posts, July hasn't been the best month for me. Since i came back from Paris, things went downhill. 

However, i am thankful that God placed some people in my life to remind me to turn to Him when times are tough. Jo, C and H made my Sunday such a wonderful day - the most wonderful day i had this month. They are the 3 of my favorite people to talk to about God. We spent the entire afternoon/evening sharing testimonies and having fellowship together. It's when you can still give thanks during the bad days, that's when more good things will come your way. We are all so very blessed. Shared about our walk with God accompanied with good food at places i'll blog about VERY SOON. I won't preach here but i just want to share that i am a very happy girl today and i'm very thankful to be reminded about a lot of great things i have in life. :)

Today i feel a 180degree change in the way i look at my life. I'm really getting on the right track faster than i thought i would. Thank You. 

Weekend Update

Yesterday night i attended the Maybelline Rock The Rocket launch and i finally got to meet Tosh. Honestly, i don't usually fan girl and get so excited when i meet celebrities but i think i was just being crazy yesterday. Lately, i just am not myself! I feel sooo embarrassed right now cus i think i made myself look like such a fool. Aiya but i guess everyone who fan girls behave that way and he should be used to it by now so ALL'S GOOD MAN. Telling myself that's the first and last time i'm gonna behave that stupidly. I'M NOT THAT YOUNG ANYMORE. MAINTAIN, MAINTAIN, MAINTAIN!!!!

Today has to be the craziest day, woke up at 1pm, had my "breakfast" and then headed down to a Champagne Brunch at Red Dot Museum. Bottles of Moet and DOM kept coming and i just kept downing champagne. Not the best drinker so by 5pm i was drunk. Went to eat at Akashi - LIKE FINALLY, went to sing, went to Zouk and last stop, Mansion. It's 2AM now and i'm so glad i left early. The moment my body met the bed was such an amazing feeling - the bed sure feels like heaven. How crazy was my day?! My feet are so sore from walking around in my 5inch heels. However, i am amazed i can't fall asleep despite the long day. So here i am lying in bed with a million thoughts in my head about life. It's all fun when i'm intoxicated but when i sober up, that's when reality hits me. I feel empty...and lost.

It's been awhile since i talked about my day like how i used to do so frequently.

I'm excited for later. It's Sunday. Jo and H texted me today asking me to go to church. I hope i do wake up in time. I love my friends for reminding me and helping me get back on the right track.

Party Animal

Gwen finally uploaded the pictures of #thepartyinvaders from her camera - YAY!

All party pictures which explains why i want to write this post.

Going clubbing is not always a bad thing. Always loving the good music and good company! So what if i do it rather frequently? It doesn't make me a Bad Girl? At least to me it doesn't.

There's just more to it than Alcohol & Sex. Partying is a way i get to unwind, relax and meet new people. When i'm intoxicated, it kinda brings out the silly and happy kid in me! I do the stupidest stuff (which can sometimes turn out to be kinda embarrassing stuff) and have a good laugh the next day. Or watch my friends do stupid stuff and laugh at them. Every week it's pretty unpredictable, which is exciting - all the funny things my friends say/do.

It's also the only time of the week i get to dance for hours and well, i LOVE to dance - when i was young, dancing was pretty much my Life! Since i no longer attend dance classes and have performances to prepare for, i no longer get to dance on normal days. I love dancing the night away and forgetting all my troubles! Getting down on the dance floor is like an exercise too, way more fun than jumping on the treadmill. Haha.

Also, i am pretty shy (i've said it before!) when sober but with the help of alcohol i actually become A LOT friendlier and that's also how i managed to meet many MANY great friends. I've met many great people through partying which is a great thing cus i was given opportunities to attend certain events and hang out with people i never thought i'd ever know personally. Plus, on normal days, i usually spend my days alone doing work/traveling to get ShopOhsofickle stocks so i never get to meet much people. In fact, i can't remember the last time i made friend with people on normal days? Cus ever since i stopped going to school, i'm pretty much alone on most days. Most of my friends went to school and had a new bunch of friends but i didn't. But i feel it's not the best place to find your life partner because everyone has their game faces on. Then again, if your job is like mine where you're alone most of the time, or if you work in a small company and all your colleagues are just not your type, then going clubbing would be a good way to meet more people and hopefully, if you're lucky, you get to meet The One.

No, partying is not only for people who are desperate to find someone to sleep with. Why do people who do not party always have that mentality??? I mean honestly, i know so many people and still, i don't really have much friends who go out with the intention to bring home a guy/girl. Most of my friends party just for the fun of it. Okay, obviously there are people who go out with those intentions but come on, not everyone who parties is like that?!

So yeah bottom-line, PARTYING DOES NOT MAKE ONE A DEVIL. Know what's right and wrong. If you're out and depressed, remember your values and all's good. Make sure your friends look after you and not let you go home with a stranger - which will be dangerous but it is easily preventable with good friends (you can also tell who are the protective friends - who are real keepers) around.

How's Life?

Lately, i haven't really been blogging because i am just not in the best state of mind right now. All i want to do is to distract myself, which also equates to partying, partying and more partying.

Most days i come home at 7am and i tell myself i'm never doing this again. Then comes the next weekend, i do it all over again. It's so unhealthy, it's doing my skin bad, it's draining my $, but i still never stop.

Some people ask me why do i party. Honestly, i have no agenda when i party. I would agree to do anything to take my mind off things because i just don't want to stay in bed crying my heart out and having sleepless nights. No, i certainly don't party to find someone to bring home. No matter how drunk i am, i always make sure i make it back home on my own. So whatever rumor you hear about me going home with someone is absolute bull. Ok but say if i'm dead drunk and lying in my own vomit, then i don't know lah because that hasn't happened, and hopefully never happens! Still, i think my subconscious mind will not allow anything to happen? So even if the person brings me home and when my eyes open, i know i'd run to the door and hop into the cab home. Lol. Major turn off cus imagine the guy's like "yes!!! score!!! i brought her home!" then the moment i wake up i run away. HAHA.

Yesterday i went for a jog after such a long time. I did 6km and gave up (i usually do at least 7-8km). Dammit, i can't even do a run properly?! It's like this 3 weeks, i can't do anything well. Cant do anything right. It's terrible. My mind just can't focus. I always feel so lost. I need to find my way back to G*. I need to find myself again. Praying everything will get better. If this goes on i'd fail in life. If this goes on, everything i work so hard for the past few years would be taken away from me.

I'm so disorientated! NEED TO GET MY S* TOGETHER.

Failed Again

Today has to be one of the worst day ever.

Took my driving test for the 3rd time and FAILED. My reaction when the tester came out with the results? I CRIED. Cus I couldn't believe it?!

The first 2 times I took the test, I knew I was gonna fail cus I mounted a kerb and that's an immediate failure. I blame myself for being so nervous. I'm taking Private lessons so I didn't have much lessons in the circuit as those in School. However, this time round, I made sure I was good and I didn't make mistakes in the circuit at all! I also kept counting to 10 & taking deep breaths to calm my nerves.

HOWEVER, according to the tester, I was not careful on the road. This surprised me because I was?! His exact words "you can drive but you don't check mirrors and confirm safety". But I am so sure I checked the mirrors and blind spots, drove at the speed limit...etc. Ok I made one mistake, which was to cross the line by a bit at the pedestrian crossing but still, I thought everything else was good and I'd pass. SADLY, that was not what I saw on the results. I was sooooo sad! Even my instructor told me he felt sad for me. My instructor was as confident as I was. Yesterday he told me to bring a passport photo cus he said "you are sure gonna pass". :(

WHY?!?! :( 

The next time (4th TP) I take the test in October, I GOT TO PASS MAN! I'd totally give up getting my license if i dont. Everyone around me has their license already....why they can pass and I can't?! I mean if I'm really bad my instructor would tell me right? He wouldn't tell me I'm really good and ill surely pass. 

Sad, sad day.

Life as a Blogger

Being a blogger is one job i can't be anymore thankful for. The freebies, the invites, the love from people...no one can say they hate that - i certainly don't! :) I've been blogging since 14 years old and my blog slowly grew from there. Did i put in a lot of hard work? Honestly, not really, i just wrote about how my day went and took a lot of pictures. I didn't expect my blog to be read by thousands.

In the beginning, my blog was only read by people from my secondary school who then talked about me to their friends from other schools and then those friends talked about me to other friends and blahblah. Why people read my blog was probably because i posted pictures all the time and wrote about my day (consisted of lotsa complains about school and etc) - which was relatable! 

Back then, there wasn't Facebook, Twitter and Instagram so people read blogs to read people's rants and look at their pictures. It wasn't cus i was pretty that's why people followed my blog, i looked mediocre - like a regular secondary school girl. I also didn't think i was pretty enough back then but i loved taking pictures of places and people to remember the moment. I had albums and albums of pictures which were created so my friends could look at the album but slowly, more and more people clicked and so my blog readership grew!

It also grew a lot when i joined blogskins.com designing blogskins for people's blogs. Honestly, my blogskin designs were nothing fantastic lah....but all self-taught - which i'm extremely proud of! I also learnt HTML and etc on my own. Guess i had too much time to spare back then but it's really helpful now when i edit my blog template and webstore so YAY! I wouldn't say it was handwork, more like i spent my time doing stuff i liked which was useful instead of sleeping and watching TV. I didn't do it for "fame" or "money", it was all my own personal interest!

As my blog grew more and more popular, i was approached by people to do advertorials - something i only saw Xiaxue doing. Which made me realize that i could make a bit of money from it - my parents separated when i was in Secondary School and since then, my mom didn't really give me much pocket money so to be able to earn some money from blogging was awesome.

Despite the popularity, i never forget the people who were my friends when i was a nobody. Classmates, schoolmates...etc. Everyone thought i would, until they finally met me years later. Everyone said the same thing when we met, "Wah?! You remember me meh?!". Which then i would reply "Why would i forget you?!". Being popular doesn't change who i am what? I'm still ME? My brain is still the same brain?

Then as time passed, i learnt more about life and this industry and realized something! As I looked around at a lot of people who were getting more and more popular and realized a lot of them change group of friends and completely neglect the people they hung out with when they weren't popular - it's no surprise why my secondary school friends would think so. I really don't blame them for automatically assuming someone would change once they become popular. The popular people stopped mentioning their old friends on Twitter/Instag and only tag the popular people. It was like popular people had to only hang out with popular people. 

It does look like that but honestly, not every popular blogger/actor/actress/singer is like that. I know i'm not like that, and i never allowed fame to get to my head. 

It may look like they neglected their old friends but that's not always the case. Here's my reason why that happens for me! It is simply because my friend (who isn't popular) feels uncomfortable being "known". It might sound weird but it's true, not everyone wants to be famous. A lot of people like being "under the radar". 

Sometimes when i @mention a friend, they'd be like "shit tammy, a lot of weirdos are following me/adding me of Facebook!". Then they ask me not to do so, so i stop. But that certainly isn't a reason for me to stop hanging out with them. Most days i don't take pictures with my friends not because i don't want them to be popular but because they just don't feel comfortable with it. Take for instance, my boyfriend. He hates it when i post pictures of him, or mention him on Twitter/Instag. In the beginning, we had tons of quarrels about it. I thought he was embarrassed to me seen as my boyfriend. But then as time passed, i realized he just hates being made fun of, by his friends and colleagues. They'd say things like "wahhhh....somebody dating Tammy ah!!!!" and he'd feel so uncomfortable with it. He also hates being recognized in public and people going "eh...you are tammy's bf right?". He feels like he is only known for being "Tammy's boyfriend", not as him. 

Then i also have friends, who also complain when i post a picture with them in it that they have people trying to get close to them so they can get to know me - which they find super annoying.

So yeah, if sometimes you wonder why i only tag bloggers in most of my pictures, now you know! It really isn't because i only hang out with bloggers, i've tons of friends who aren't bloggers and who are not active on social media!

Then again, that's not the case for EVERY BLOGGER. There are many out there who let fame get into their head and completely cut off all ties with their old friends. Those people who start unfollowing their old friends on Twitter/Instagram and only follow popular people. I feel sad for them, really. Because the friends you get because you're famous might not always be true. There's a chance they are friends with you because you're good-looking, or maybe they want to get more popular. It takes a longer time for you to find out how true they are. It's the friends you make when you are a nobody who are the keepers - the people who know, accept and love you inside out. 

Self-Confidence

Most of ya'll would think that i'm a super confident person. But little do many of ya'll know, i wasn't always like that. I admit i still have self-esteem issues but good thing is it's getting better over time. In this post you'll learn a lil more about me and how i slowly evolved from someone with super low confidence to someone who has learnt to love herself more.

It's a girl thing to always compare ourselves to other girls and feel shitty. I think every girl does that but there's a big problem if it affects you, bad. Like it makes you depressed and leaves you hating yourself. 

In the past, i woke up depressed everyday. I hated my face. I don't have the prettiest eyes, i don't have a small nose, my cheeks are too chubby....blahblah. I also hated my body. My legs are not long enough, my legs are too huge for a girl, my arms dont have a nice shape, my butt isn't round enough....blahblah. I really hated myself. I found it difficult to go out without make up. In fact, i had to have make up on almost 24/7. Except at home when i go to bed. To my friend's house, even if it's only gonna be my close friends there. To the coffee shop nearby, even if i'm only going down to get dinner. To my boyfriend's house, even if it's just a few bus stops away from my house. I felt a constant need to improve the way i looked and i was OBSESSED. I cried over the way i looked, i complaint to my friends and bf everyday. It was annoying and not to mention, scaring people away. 

What made it worst was when Anonymous leave comments like "you are so ugly". IT JUST GETS TO ME. It affects me and makes me feel even worst about myself. Despite the 100 "you are so pretty" i get, just 1 person has to go "you are so ugly" to ruin my day. I still took pictures of myself, but it has to be edited no matter what. I never posted a picture with #nofilter before, lol. Occasionally, i played with the liquify tool to make my features look better. I hated taking pictures using other people's cameras because i don't get to edit the pictures myself. When i go out, i hardly talk to people. It's really not because i'm unfriendly and stuck up, like everyone thinks i am. I never look at people in the eye as I always felt "too ugly" to face people in real life. I will look away when people looked at my face unclose and try to avoid having conversations with people cus they would look at my face when i talk. I always regret not talking to people the moment i walk away from them, but i just couldn't do it. Everytime i walk away, my mind would be like "man, i should've asked her about blahblah". I believe i've missed many great people when i was going through that phase. I was such a quiet girl, i wouldn't be surprised if people thought i was Mute. I hated crowds, i hated people being near me. I always stand at a corner showing the side i think i look better in, lol?! If i stand in the middle of a crowd, i will be surrounded with people and people will see me at all different weird angles - most angles i look bad in. Most of the time i look down when i walk, not wanting people to recognize me not because i'm some celebrity but because i know i don't look as good as in pictures. It's quite sad to think i was like that but i believe i'm not the only one and i hope this story will help girls out there who are going through the same thing.

I talked to counselors and slowly, slowly, i started to get better. It also helps that my loved ones around me remind me that i look fine and they will still love me no matter how i look.

Here are some tips on Building Self-Confidence...

1. Recognize your insecurities. What does that voice in the back of your mind say? What makes you uncomfortable or ashamed of yourself? This could be anything from acne, to regrets, friends at school or a past traumatic or negative experience.

I still do this from time to time and it really does help to know which part of yourself you're unhappy about. Don't go like "I HATE EVERYTHING". Sit down, write down but you REALLY hate. There's a solution to most issues and in time, it will get fixed. Say if you hate your nose the most, you can always go get a nose job which will make you feel a lot better.

2. Talk about it with friends and loved ones. Wear it on your sleeve. Each day you should chip away at it; wear it down. There's no quick fix. Get to the root of the problem; focus on it and understand that you need to resolve each issue before you can move on. Check if it's an old past emotion and if it is really still relevant or applicable in your life today. And that doesn't mean you have to get rid of whatever makes you feel bad (many times, you simply can't). You need to learn to accept yourself, your past, your circumstances as they are, without necessarily thinking of them as "bad".

I am thankful for everyone for listening to me complain and never leaving my side. I'm sure it has annoyed many though. Lol.

3. Bounce back from your mistakes. Remember that no one is perfect. Even the most confident people have insecurities. At some point in any of our lives, we may feel we lack something. That is reality. Learn that life is full of bumps down the road. And that often these insecure feelings come and go, depending on where we are, who we are with, the mood we're in, how we are feeling. In other words, they are not constant.

4. Identify your successes. Everyone is good at something, so discover the things at which you excel, then focus on your talents. Give yourself permission to take pride in them. Give yourself credit for your successes. Inferiority is a state of mind in which you've declared yourself a victim. Do not allow yourself to be victimized. Express yourself, whether it's through art, music, writing, etc. Find something you enjoy. Everyone is born with talents and strengths. You can develop and excel in yours. If it's difficult to name two or three things you have some ability in or just plain love to do, think about things others do that you would like to do too and take some lessons or join an enthusiasts club. When you're following your passion, not only will it have a therapeutic effect, but you'll feel unique and accomplished, all of which can help build your self confidence. Plus, adding a variety of interests to your life will not only make you more confident, but it will increase your chances of meeting compatible friends!

For me, it was building Ohsofickle. From a small little business selling second hand clothing to what it is today!

5. Be thankful for what you have. A lot of the times, at the root of insecurity and lack of confidence is a feeling of not having enough of something, whether it's emotional validation, good luck, money, etc. By acknowledging and appreciating what you do have, you can combat the feeling of being incomplete and unsatisfied. Finding that inner peace will do wonders for your confidence.

For me, i'm thankful for my boyfriend, my friends, my dogs....they make me so happy and make my life so worth the living. There are so many parts of my face and body i hate and want to change but there are also features i'm thankful for so i think about the good part of my face and body more often instead of what i don't like.

6. Be Positive, even if you don't feel the same way. Avoid self-pity, or the pity and sympathy of others. Never allow others to make you feel inferior--they can only do so if you let them. If you continue to loathe and belittle yourself, others are going to do and believe likewise. Instead, speak positively about yourself, about your future, and about your progress. Do not be afraid to project your strengths and qualities to others. By doing so, you reinforce those ideas in your mind and encourage your growth in a positive direction.

7. Accept compliments gracefully. Don't roll your eyes and say, "Yeah, right," or shrug it off. Take it to heart and respond positively ("Thank you" and a smile works well).

For me, i see myself saying "Thank You" when someone says something nice about me. Instead of "no lah! where got!".

8. Look in the mirror and smile. Studies surrounding what's called the "facial feedback theory" suggest that the expressions on your face can actually encourage your brain to register certain emotions. So by looking in the mirror and smiling every day, you might feel happier with yourself and more confident in the long run.

9. Fake it. Along the same lines of smiling to make yourself feel happy, acting confident might actually make you believe it. Pretend you're a completely confident version of you; go through the motions and see how you feel!

For me, i apply this almost everyday. Especially when i meet new people nowadays. Which explains why a lot of people see me as a very confident girl. And then slowly, i guess i really started being confident inside out.

10. Help others. When you know you're kind to the people around you, and are making a positive difference in other people's lives (even if it's just being kinder to the person who serves you coffee in the morning), you'll know that you are a positive force in the world--which will boost your self confidence.

Which i hope this post will do!

(source: x)

It took me a long time to get to where i am today but if i can do it, SO CAN YOU!

I dare say i'm A LOT better. Especially this year, i made SO MANY NEW FRIENDS! Having new friends gives me a lot of great opportunities too!

I still think about ways to improve myself but it's no longer Number 1 on my list. I have more important things to worry about! I still want to get surgery done (btw i'm going to have a post about a procedure i've done recently on my face!) but only when i've saved enough money! I am still not loving how i look 100% BUT i don't cry over it now. I have a post-it on my mirror "YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL" and i tell myself that everyday, when i wake up, before i sleep.

Do i have enough money for all the surgery i want to do now? Yes i do! But the money i have now, i am not willing to spend it all on my face. I have learnt to prioritize it and save it for more important stuff. There's always room for improvement, for me, for everyone. But don't get all obsessed and depressed over it. Even if i don't get those surgeries i plan to do, i will not cry, be depressed and hide in a hole. In the past, nothing was more important than the way i looked. If i had the same amount of money in my bank account back then, i am pretty sure 100% of it will go into surgery to make myself look prettier! But now i have accepted the fact that i am not the prettiest girl around and i no longer try to be or want to be that ideal image in my mind! Plus it's never going to happen until i love myself more. Some parts of myself, i have slowly learnt to accept and love. In the past, i hated EVERY PART OF ME. Unlike most girls who are afraid of getting surgery done to their face, i'm super open about it because for me, i know sometimes it's just very difficult to "force" yourself to love something about yourself you think is ugly so a surgery will help you love that feature more. It does work as a confidence booster to me. But of course, remember not to get obsessed and go overboard.
Some people worry obsessively about a minor defect and undergo multiple cosmetic surgeries, but are never satisfied. If that happens, it can get scary so for that not to happen, LOVE YOURSELF MORE. As you can see from this last paragraph, i'm still not 100% confident, LOL! BUT I'M PROUD OF THE IMPROVEMENT I'VE MADE OVER THE YEARS. Of course, i still aim to accept myself completely and love how i look 100% and not want ANY surgery done. But i really don't want to lie to ya'll and pretend i'm that girl cus i'm still not there yet. The most important lesson i learnt over the years is that LOOKS AREN'T EVERYTHING. So i do hope to remind ya'll of that. :)

STAY BEAUTIFUL AND LOVE YOURSELF.

It's fine to want to improve something about yourself but DON'T EVER HATE YOURSELF FOR NOT BEING PERFECT CUS NO ONE IS!

PMS

I HATE THIS THING WHICH HAPPENS EVERY MONTH BEFORE MY PERIOD!

I just want to eat everything!!! AND I NEVER GET FULL!!! For 2-3 days i stuff myself LIKE CRAZY cus i just can't get full.

The things i eat are all unhealthy stuff, stuff that will not do me good. Today i saw myself spending a day beside a box of chocolate waffles and wiping it out. That tin was not supposed to finish in just a day?! :( Then i'm craving fried chicken, and a burger.

The number of time I walked to the kitchen is insane. And i always walk out with food in my mouth?! I just put anything edible in. Lol.

Being a girl is tough. GOING THROUGH THIS EVERY MONTH SUCKS!!

Weight

"WOW TAMMY! YOU LOOK SO NICE NOW! ARE YOU LIKE UNDER 50 KG NOW?!"

Was what triggered me to write this post.

Does that person mean i've to be under 50KG to look good???

Well if you're wondering what's my weight, it fluctuates between 50kg-52kg. I'm not your usual "under 50KG girl"- which most girls think is the ideal weight to LOOK GOOD.

Am i affected by it? Being "heavier" than most of my friends? Do i aim to be under 50KG?

Nope, not really.

I'm standing at 167cm and if i'm 47kg, i'd be too skinny, i feel. Plus, i eat too regularly to be at such a weight. I eat whatever makes me happy, then go for a jog if i feel Guilty. If i choose to eat Mcdonald's today, i better make sure i go for at least an hour jog after. But if i feel lazy today and don't wish to go exercise, i will avoid eating Mcdonald's and choose something healthy and light so i won't have to go jog it off!

There's really no short cut in achieving your ideal body. I exercise to get to where i am today and have never been happier. My weight on the scale shows otherwise. I used to be 52kg and now, still am! Ok it fluctuates but yeah i still have my 52KG days. However, now when i'm 52kg i look a lot better. I look leaner. I have muscles!! A lot on my legs especially (maybe too much for a girl, not proud of it but hey, beats fats anyday right?) and we all know this already, muscles weight heavier than fats. If you look at five pounds of muscle and five pounds of fat side by side, the fat takes up more volume, or space, than the muscle. That’s important when you’re on a diet and part of your goal is the lean look of muscle, not the flabby look of fat.

So honestly, WEIGHT IS JUST A NUMBER!

Put 2 girls of the same height & weight together - Girl A is 50kg, works out weekly and eats normally. Girl B is 50kg, does not exercise and always having irregular meals. I can tell you, Girl A will look A LOT better despite them being the same weight!

Over the years, I’ve learnt that my weight doesn’t really tell me anything about my progress. Sure, in the beginning it can be helpful to know whether you’re gaining or losing too much weight too quickly, but it soon becomes more trouble than it’s worth.

I’m now losing weight and getting fit until I feel I’m at my happy "weight", not at what the scale tells me. Now I go by how I feel!

I'll leave you with a quote i strongly believe in...

"I DO NOT HAVE AN ULTIMATE GOAL WEIGHT BECAUSE THE SCALE DOES NOT DEFINE ME!"